Sometimes life sucks.
There. I said it. A lot of quote-on-quote “inspirational Christian blogs” seem to be living the perfect life. Sometimes I read their blogs and wonder how they handle their rough days. Obviously they have rough days, because we all do, but they never talk about it on their public platform.
So here I am, on my (little) public platform announcing to the world that sometime life SUCKS. There are days that are HARD. There are times when the last thing I want to do is write a new post on my blog. It’s not all smiles and giggles as much as I wish it was!
All around, I love my life. I have the GREATEST friends and family and truly enjoy the life that I’ve been blessed with, but there are days that life just hurts. It doesn’t matter how many amazing people you have in your life, how much money you have, or how luxurious of a life you live, we ALL have rough days.
That’s what came with the fall of humanity. The sin of Adam and Eve didn’t leave anyone unaffected. There’s not a check you can write to let the fall of man pass you by. We are all in this together (cue me singing High School Musical and dancing the full choreography).
This week has been tough. The last thing I wanted to do was write an encouraging blog post. To be completely honest, I put a lot of prayer into my blog posts, and I have been ignoring God all week. You can see where there was a problem.
But as much as I can try to ignore listening to my Father, He somehow makes His voice known. It may be frustrating as heck, but I appreciate this aspect of our Creator.
I kid you not, this was a real conversation I had with God this week:
God: You are loved. Even when you don't want to talk to me, you are cherished. Me: I really hate that I can hear you talking to me right now. Please stop. God: You are being pursued even if you don't want to be Me: PLEASE QUIT God: Sorry but no
(Jesus gets super sassy with me sometimes. It’s honestly one of my favorite things ever. I refer to Him as Sassy Jesus when He gets this way. He communicates with us in ways we understand, so I guess that I speak sass.)
You get the idea. It went on for a while and continued to frustrate me, but at the same time, it spoke to my heart that even when I want nothing to do with Him, He wants everything to do with me.
So when it came to sitting down and writing this today (which I have dreaded all week, knowing full and well that I haven’t spent time in my Word at all this week), God spoke to my hardened heart again.
He told me to write what I feel. Write about how this week has sucked. Write about how the last thing I’ve wanted to do is spend any time with God. Because our world needs that kind of vulnerability. My brothers and sisters need to know that they aren’t the only ones that have had and/or are having hard times in their faith.
I heard one time that the biggest fault of the Christian community is that we are often times vulnerable about what we walked through 6 months ago, 3 years ago, or right after we became believers, but we RARELY share what we are going through currently. It’s too personal. We don’t want others to look at us in another light or think of us as “bad Christians” because we don’t have the desire to pray and read our Bibles every moment of every day.
I’ve fallen into this A LOT, way more often than I care to admit. It’s so much easier to talk about what you have walked through rather than what you are walking through right now. It’s a risk to talk about what you’re struggling with at this moment.
What if they realize I don’t have my life together?
What if they find out that I struggle with a sin that I should be over by now?
What if they discover that I’m not everything that they think I am?
We might not even think about these questions, but deep down this is what we are asking ourselves. This is why we talk about things we already walked through and conquered. We don’t want to be embarrassed or ashamed for our current struggles.
But hear me, THERE IS BEAUTY IN THE STRUGGLE.
This is where the most intimate, beautiful times come from. When you open up and talk about what is hurting you the most. As a friend reminded me this week, there is beauty when we are weak, because when we are weak, He can come through and show us His strength.
How weird would it be if I was impaled by a log and went to the ER and was like, “well Doc, I was in a LOT of pain last year. I could barely walk I hurt so much. I didn’t know if I was going to make it through! But after a couple weeks of pain, I realized that I had a splinter in my foot that was infecting my whole body and I got it out. There’s really nothing going on with me right now, but man was it hard last year.”
The doctor would probably look at me like I was a freaking weirdo as I had a log in my chest, hardly able to breathe, but telling him I’m doing just fine compared to last year when I had a splinter.
That seems like a silly example but that’s exactly what we sound like when we tell others that we’re fine but have been in a hard spot before.
When we refuse to be vulnerable, we refuse to get the healing that we need.
So here’s my vulnerability: this week has not been fun. I read my Bible once. I have refused to have a conversation with God. He has been speaking to me and I have deliberately ignored Him.
And here’s my truth: this season won’t last forever. I will love to read my Bible again. I will have great conversations with Him in my future. My life does not suck. He is pursuing me even when I don’t want Him to. He is not angry with me, He is waiting for me to come back.
What is your truth?
*Full disclaimer: in no way am I saying that it’s okay to ignore God, quit reading your Bible, stop listening to God, etc. I am saying that sometimes this is a battle that we face and that God is full of grace. He will continue to pursue our hearts and wait for us to come home. This is what we should strive for. To go home. Surround yourself with others who can stand in the gap for you while you’re in this battle. They will help you get home.*